"The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering. "

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Do You Find Yourself in a Relationships with Emotionally Unavailable Partners?

Posted by on Aug 20, 2014

We are all searching for loving and meaningful relationships. We hope to experience that deep connection and find what oftentimes society calls our “soul-mate”. What tends to be confusing is that we may be intensely attracted to unavailable people. That intensity of that emotional or sexual chemistry can feel so strong that we cannot fathom that that particular person may not be a good fit for us.

Given that the chemistry is so powerful, we falsely believe that this person is the “right” one for us. When that happens individuals often try to force an emotionally unavailable person to become available and love one in return.

The intensity of the connection can be easily confused for deep intimacy. However, they are not the same. What sometimes occurs is that we end up accepting behavior that we would never tolerate. When we lose our boundaries and accept unacceptable behavior, we start to make compromises we ordinarily would not in order to give the relationship a chance. This pattern is destined for disaster and heartache. Not everyone we feel a connection with, no matter how “out of this world” it is, is the right fit for us.

In order for a relationship to be a good fit, it must be reciprocal in love and respect. Even if the experience feels right, and your partner is unavailable; the relationship will not realize. It is important to be honest about the limitations of a prospective romantic interest. It is hopeless and self-defeating to seek intimacy in a way that a person cannot give. In addition, it is important not to assume blame for another person’s emotional or commitment limitations.

Be careful, because when we want a loving relationship desperately, we may sometimes see what we want to see even if it is not based in reality. Stay away from relationships in which you are basing your love on the person’s ability to change. If they are not the person you admire today, they are likely not going to be that person in the future.

To find true love, become involved with a person who can reciprocate your affections. This means in order to be with a person worthy of your love, you must know how to love yourself to select a partner that is able to love you in return.

If you are in a toxic, abusive, or non-reciprocal relationship, disengage even when your passion is intense, strong and says “stay.” It may feel excruciating to dissolve the relationship when you do not want to or if you are still hoping that the person will change.

I am committed to providing the highest quality of care and maintain a deep desire to facilitate personal transformation that allows individuals to live whole-heartedly. My desire is that individuals live a life embodied with peace, joy, love, and prosperity. I hope to accomplish my purpose, which is to help you live your dream of realizing your fullest potential in a personal and meaningful manner that allows you to live the life you want.

A.C.T. will provide free resource information for individuals and families to help promote education. For more information, please contact Dr. Drecun at Dr.Drecun@a4ct.com or (858) 792-3541. You may also visit us online at www.a4ct.com. ACT serves the Del Mar 92014 and Rancho Santa Fe 92067 area.

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