Individuals may incorrectly assume that relationships create happiness. Such an erroneous belief can lead to disappointment as individuals search for their happiness in others. No one can be responsible for one’s joy; except the individual themselves. When individuals define their self-worth in their relationships; they can become demoralized. This is not problematic when relationships are flourishing. However, when relationships become rocky and are experiencing a transition, it is easy to feel bad about oneself if we define ourselves solely by our relationships. This is why it is essential to have a solid sense of self. We are less swayed by the status of our relationships, rather we are grounded in the person that we are and operating from a place of authenticity which brings joyful living.
Hence, relationships do not create happiness, they reflect it. Relationships are simply the mirrors of our happiness; they reflect it and help us celebrate it. Most people enter into relationships with an intent of what they can get out of them, rather than what they can put into them. Sometimes people enter relationships to fill a void. When this happens, they exert all their energy and attention on the relationship thinking it is going to fix the dissatisfaction in one’s life. Nobody will fix your life or make you feel special and important if you are not able to give that to yourself first.
The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you; but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. The only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. Entering your relationships from a place of abundance is important. Being able to love oneself and be compassionate with oneself makes it much easier to love another and enrich that person’s life.
Everything in life starts with yourself. There is no benefit to look outside for love and security. We must first learn to love and be compassionate with ourselves before we can truly provide that to another. When we cultivate self-love and compassion we can provide an abundance of love to give to others. When we learn to love our self, it becomes effortless to share that love with someone who appreciates us, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love scarcity.
In addition, people operating from self-love understand that what others say and do is often based entirely on their own self-reflection. Do not give your power away by allowing others to define you based on their reactions. Do not let them poison you with their own pain. You can help them by wishing them well, but remember that people behave in such ways because they are in a place of great suffering. People react to their own thoughts and feelings and their behavior often has nothing directly to do with you. Let go of personalizing people’s behaviors and engage in responses that are congruent with your personal values.
Everyone has baggage, so release any shame that may be related to yours. Holding on to your shame does not serve you. Remember your limitations make you human and as a result allow you to connect with other sentient beings. Be patient and find someone who loves you enough to help you carry it and unpack. Do not look for the perfect person. That person does not exist. Look for the person who brings out the best in you and as a result inspires you to be your best version of yourself. Surround yourself with people who make you a better person, and let go of those who do not.
Remember, people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
Source: Karina Loureiro.
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